Monday, February 28, 2011

sometimes.

sometimes there is nothing to be said. 
sometimes nothing should be said.

i just want to find someone who won't run away.
 someone to look me in the eyes
&tell me it's okay that things don't always go right.
that this is how life works,
&how it will always work.

that it's not going to be easy.
today, tomorrow, the next day,
but it will somehow get better.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

addicted.!

i never understood the concept of addiction, how people could
long for cigarettes, or weed, or alcohol so badly that it hurt.
until i met you. now i know how it feels to be 100% reliant
on some kind of substance that will never satisfy me.

you. are. amazing.

you put your arm around my waist,
& pulled me closer.
it didn't feel weird or crossing any lines.
it made sense, it just felt right.

what you don't know can't hurt you.

what you don't know can't hurt you.

it's what you suspect that screws everything up.

waiting...

You sit there in your heartache 
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
Pick you up and save you 
From your old ways.

You.

your eyes still give me a reason to breathe
&our midnight conversations still mean
everything to me.<3

here's to you.

here's to the girls who used to be his number one. the one who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller id the next morning &be disappointed. the one who made it through that bitter break up, dried her own tears, &moved on with her life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. you're the one who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. you're the one who listened to him say, "i only want to be your friend", one day, &the next, listened to him say how much he loves &misses you. you deserve something, &this is your tribute. here's to you, the one that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. you listened to me tell you that you were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from your parents, &even snuck around to see him for while. you went through the great stage with no fights all over again. you started this out thinking it would be just friends, &ended up falling in love with him all over again. you wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved you too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. &when you finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. this is for you boo. here's to you, the one who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. here's for the tears cried &dried all over again. you wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call you at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. you trained yourself to believe the lies because you wanted to believe you had found the one for you. you learned to settle for someone who didn't treat you the way you should be treated. here's for you, the one who did your hair  make up &put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see you today. the one who never believed it when people told you there might be someone else. you just couldn't believe that he could do this to you again. this is for this amazing girl who loved him more than words can say, &took him back no matter what happened last time because she couldn't bear to look back on her life one day &wonder "what if". this is for you that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, &cried during the entire conversation. you are the one who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved you. when he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. you're the one that held on to something that was never there to begin with. this is for you, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, &get him to tell you that he was in love with you again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." here's to you, the one who couldn't cry to me because of how stupid you felt. you're the one who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. you're the one who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "i told you so." you're the one that could just tell that you had made a mistake ever allowing him into your litttle fragile heart &your big dreams again. you knew that you deserved better the entire time, you deserve a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see you whenever he got the chance, one that really cares about you. you just want the one that you love like that. here's for you, the one that finally realized that he never gave a crap about you. here's for the time that he broke your heart again. this is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, &the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. here's for you, my bestfriend who finally realized that she deserves better. this is for those confusing days, when you miss him &want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. stay strong &remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together &get hurt. remember the times you cried &how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. when 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. when the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made &tries calling, turn your phone off. when he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. think of the broken promises, &the lies, the manipulation &the tears, the wasted moments &staying up all night wondering where the fuck he was. think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate &sing bleeding love in the middle of the night &how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, &realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. one day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. you may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. it's going to hurt like shit, &it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. this is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

The Past.

what you need to know about the past 
is that no matter what has happened,
it has all worked together 
to bring you to this very moment. 
&this is the moment you can choose
to make everything new.
right now.

< 3

i can't even close my eyes 
without you being there,
but imagining you just isn't enough.
i want you to be by my side 
so that each time
 i'm reminded of you,
i can look over my shoulder 
&be reminded all over again.

If You Only Knew.

You complain about not being able to see your boyfriend for one night. I agree about how much bullshit it is, but I really wanna say, grow up. I never get to see my boyfriend without going behind my parents backs, let alone spend time with my friends. 

You complain about how your mom tells you you need help and how she's always on you about never getting your homework done and always being late to school. I agree how much of a bitch she is, but you have no clue. My parents call me fat, ugly, stupid, immature, irresponsible, retarded, lazy and tell me I should just drop out because I'm late 2 times a whole school year.

You say you wish you would die because you have so much stress in your life for not getting your homework done for class. I stress about keeping my job because times are so hard, stress about how my weight is, stress how I can make everyone happy, stress about keeping my grades up so I can graduate.

You complain about how much your life sucks because of this and that just because you don't get what you want. I agree with you about everything, but honey, you have everything. I wish you were put in my shoes for one day, then you would wanna actually kill yourself.

If you only knew.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Love.

When you love someone, when you 
Truly love someone, they 
Become your life, your everything. 
They change you & inspire you
 In so many different ways that 
Are indescribable. How do you let
 Go of someone who has made 
Such an impact on your life?
 How do you let go of the one 
Thing that keeps you going, 
That keeps you strong?
Answer: You don't.

Trust.

trust is like a mirror - once
 its broken, its never seen 
the same again and no matter
 how hard you try to put it 
back together, the cracks 
will always show. 

Underneath.

She looks like a bad girl like she
 Can only hate but behind that angry 
Girl there is another face. She loves 
From the people who loved her and 
She loves the little things like the moon. 
But her dark side will never die; 
All the hate for this world. Only good 
Friends will see a little part from 
The other face.

G.A.B.(:

Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in A nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to him On the couch, to wrap my arms around him and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just Sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the Phrase. But I lacked the courage and he had a girlfriend And I was gawky and he was gorgeous and I was Hopelessly boring and he was endlessly fascinating. So I Walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom Bunk, Thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and He was a hurricane. But the thing is, I have him right Now(: Jeez I'm so lucky<3

High School Love.!

The thing is we say these things now and we know how crazy it is to be talking about a forever together when we don't know what forever holds. The thing about these high school relationships is even through all the uncertainty theres that one person you mean it to. You mean it more than you ever meant it before and even though deep down you feel so special you know its all cliché. You know people have been fooled before. You know people have been wrong before but you dont care. It feels real, it is. For now. And the thing is it changes you. It really does.

Fan Club.!

For all of the people who talk shit about me &think it's Effecting me... It's alright... I just sit back and think to Myself...[damn I've got myself a fanclub] &no matter what You do or say, there’s always gonna be somebody who Doesn't like you, someone is always gonna talk about You... So you might as well give them something to talk About(:

Shit Talker.

Call me a slut, call me a whore. 
Call me whatever, I’ve heard it before. 
Say that I'm fake, say that I lie, 
Say what you want. You won’t see me cry, 
Bc I know none of it's true, 
But calling me all this shit, ha, 
What the hell does that make you?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Beautiful.

At least fifteen people in this world love you in Some way.
Every night, someone thinks about you before They go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
You are special and unique.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, Something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on You, take a look: you most likely turned your back On the world.
Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks.
Always tell someone how you feel about them; You will feel much better when they know.
You are beautiful.

Me &You

I don't want a fairytale ending with you.
I want to be there to help you face your fears

& to help you overcome your failures.

I want to give you the kind of love that's not 
Distorted and fabricated,
But real, raw and honest.
You're not perfect, and neither am I.
But, when we're together I can believe
That things will always fall into place.

Fact #8:

Whenever I'm hurt, I don't talk. I just wear a fake smile, tell everyone everything's okay even though I wanna cry my eyes out.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm In Here.

I'm in here, can anybody see me? Can anybody help?
I'm in here, a prisoner of history...
can anybody help?

Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
you to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
all of the sadness I can not,
living inside of me...



I'm in here, I'm trying to tell you something,
can anybody help?
I'm in here, I'm calling out but you can't hear,
can anybody help?


I'm crying out, I'm breaking down,
i am fearing it all,
stuck inside these walls,
tell me there is hope for me...
Is anybody out there listening?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I'm Right Here.

I wanna scream
And let everything out.
I'm deteriorating
Inside to the point
Where all I think
About anymore is


Suicide.


The word is so 
Dirty and 
Unclean.
It should be
Considered a
Curse word.


I'm 


Going to break.
It's tearing me 


Apart.


To the point 
Where I'm not
Myself anymore.


Disgusting. 


Fat.
Slut.
Ugly.
Bitch.
Stupid.
Whore.


So many words
Get thrown at 
Me. 


Every day.


I need, want
Help. Anybody.
I'm in here, 
Needing out.
I'm trapped 
Inside.


Can you find me?