Lately I've been thinking. A lot. The only problem is.. I love you and I don't wanna let you go..

Only You.

I don't know what it is that makes me love you so.

I only know I never wanna let you go.

Can't you see?

That ever since we met you've had a hold on me.

It happens to be true: I only wanna be with you.

It doesn't matter where you go and what you do.

I wanna spend each moment of the day with you.

Look what has happened with just one kiss.

I never knew I could be in love like this.

It's crazy but it's true: I only wanna be with you.

You stopped and smiled at me.

Asked If I'd care to dance.

I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance.

Now listen honey. 

I just wanna be beside you everywhere.

As long as we're together honey I don't care.

Cause you started something.

I only wanna be with you.

take chances. be young. go crazy. drive fast. kiss slow. no regrets. all fun. just do it.

you stood at my door with your hands around my waist, & kissed me like you meant it. & the weirdest feeling was i knew you meant it. i hate the distance between us, i miss you all the time.

The worst part about falling out of love is wondering if you will ever open up that far again.

i want to stare into your eyes & never look away. i want you to hold me in your arms & tell me it's okay. i want to kiss with a passion that only we can share, & when it all falls down, i want you to be there.

i can`t be with someone who has doubts, no matter how small they are. i need someone who wants to be with me as much as i want to be with them. i don`t want just part of your heart, i want all of it.

people always think that the most painful thing is losing the one you love in your life. the truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too.

love is such a strong word. when we were just little kids, we always thought love was just about hugs, kisses, and happiness. but as we grow, we learn that it's not just about happiness, it's also about learning to accept rejections, tears, and heartbreaks. that's where i come to help you up, wipe those tears away, put your heart back to the one when you're hurt from love. and when i say i love you, you'd better believe that i mean that with every fiber of my being.

and sometimes i just can't help but feel depressed. because it feels like i have wasted so much time, that i have missed out on so much. sometimes i feel like i'm miles behind everyone else. because i haven't had enough time as they have. i haven't been given as many opportunities, haven't had enough time with you as they have. sometimes it feels like i don't even know you still. not as much as i'd like to anyway.

when you tell someone something bad about yourself.. you're scared they won't love you anymore. but then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, but they love you even more.

my theory was if i kept my distance you'd see what you'd be missing. you didn't.

i've learned you can never expect anything from anyone, no matter who it is. the second you expect something from someone, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

My body isn't perfect. I don't walk with confidence. I get in fights with my parents and friends. Some nights I'd rather be myself than out partying. I cry over the smallest things. There are these days where I just get through with fake laughs and a forced smile. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not. I'm not beautiful, but I'm not ugly. There are some nights where I cry myself to sleep. I constantly think I'm not good enough. I'm imperfect, but perfectly me.

If I had a flower for every time you made me smile and laugh, I'd have a garden to walk in forever.

it's not your fault & you've been good to me. just lately i've been feeling like i don't belong, like the ground is not mine to walk upon.

I have to admit..

I think of you every second of the day.

You're my favorite subject to talk about.

When I hug you I wish I never had to let go.

Most of my dreams consist of you.

I always get excited when I see you

&&I'm completely in love with you..

and if you really need him, fate won't let you lose him. fate will bring him back. it may not be soon, but he will be back.

When you hugged me, that was when I really started to cry. It was when it actually hit me - no heaves and sighs, just tears flowing down my cheeks. Most people would have just given me a hug and let go, but you held on like you were trying to make sense out of all of it, too. It was like you needed the hug just as much as I did.

it's when you say, "it's gonna be ok", when I break down and cry. it's not going to be okay.

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, and I get so frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it.

Life.

its not the broken heart that keeps you going back. 

oh no, its the days that have gone by & you just want him by your side. 

its how when something funny happens, you want to tell him, 

just to see his smile one last time. 

but he's not there and you can't change that.

no matter how many tears you seem to cry, no matter how hard you try, he's not coming back.

so its time to grab that suitcase & leave. 

just to get out of this place & out of this town. 

because if he's not coming; then you're not staying here. 

not even if it means breaking something new; because even though its not everything, 

its still something bigger than you're used to. 

but its not your fault. its his. he left, he said goodbye. 

you can show him the truth & show him where to stick it. 

because even though it doesn't seem like it, this made you stronger, 

this made you be more of yourself. & nothing can replace that.

Darkness..

there have been fleeting moments of light, of happiness, & i've tried to wrap my arms around them. i've tried to hold on to whatever it is inside of me that sees things in this way and feels wonderful, but it always just slips out of my arms. there is this darkness in me that overcomes every moment of happiness so they just feel fake. i know they are fleeting & i am so scared of their departure that i don't enjoy them anymore.

Never walk away from someone unless you have full intentions to leave them behind.

I'm sorry, but I miss you.

When I see you're online, I get butterflies in my stomach. A rush. Like "Omg he's online what should I do". I immediately delete my current status and click on your name waiting for you to IM me. I get impatient. Start to think. What caused this? I hate this so much. I hate not being able to say I have a wonderful boyfriend. He was everything. Yeah, he may not have had a job, he may not go to school, may not have a phone. But there was more. Every time I looked in his gorgeous eyes, everything negative I thought went away. It's like he hypnotized me. All I could see and think about was him, his sweet voice. Think about how lucky I was. Now I'm sitting here. blogging about the past. Gawd I'm so stupid. I'm pathetic. This is crazy. Having these feelings after such a short time of dating. Am I obsessed? What's wrong with me? He said he felt no connection. There was no connection. I'm crazy to keep thinking and dreaming about a guy that is way out of my league. Someone I can never have. Someone I can never call mine. I wish I could say I had you, but apparently, I never did. . . /:

I'm so fucking stupid..:'(

Why do I feel this way? It's only been a month in a half that we've been dating. You didn't feel anything. You didn't feel a connection. But I did. I'm sorry that I get attached to great guys like you. And you're only the second guy I've got attached to like this. And I've dated a lot of guys. It kills me that I can't say you're with me anymore. :'( I get too damn attached &it hurts me a lot in the end. I tried to end it tonight, but I was 2 seconds too late. I'm sorry I fucked up everything:(.

I miss you...

because i miss you, when something really good happens, 
you're the first one i want to share it with.
because i miss you when something is troubling me, 

you're the only one who would've understand. 

because i miss you, when i laugh & cry, 

you're the only one who could make me laugh harder & make my tears disappear. 

i don't know where we went & why we grew apart, 

but you should know, i miss you.

Fake.

smile so the tears wont fall, laugh

like you werent hurt at all, fake so

he'll never know that you still havent

let him go. 

(:

when people ask me what i see in you, i don't know what to tell them. because honestly, i don't know. 
but when i look into your eyes, i see magic & it just makes me want to lose myself in your arms.

BFF's(:

stealing each others clothes,eating the

good part of the poptart & leaving her

the yucky crust,screaming out the window

at hot boys & ducking so they think it

was her, giving out her number when ugly

guys ask for it, & getting into bed at three

in the morning saying, "move over bitch."

yeah, its also called best friends.

i want to run away. i want to ditch my life 'cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night.

he turned around & looked right at me & said nothing.

not even 'hi'. 

it was as if the months we had spent together, 

the time i spent loving him, just weren't important, 

as if they never happened.

Ugh.

last night, when i wanted to end it,

i heard the words i love you

come out of your mouth.

i couldn't help but say i love you too.

Alone I Break.

you could see such a distance in her eyes.

she's in a daze, her mind's somewhere else.

she's a mystery, she's creating a different

kind of vibe little do you know, she's holding

so much inside.

/:

i see that you’re online, & the butterflies in my stomach from being anxious are still there.
you message me & ask me how i am. i put my fingers to the keys & realize that there is nothing left to say.
there is nothing for me to say that will change anything. there is nothing i haven’t said to try to change your mind.

Stuck.

I feel like i'm standing in the center of a snow globe
that some seven year old kid will not stop shaking.
i feel like everything around me is going 105 miles an hour,
& i'm just stuck standing in the middle of traffic.

“i love you,” he whispered, & that was the moment he knew what he was going to do. 

when you loved someone, you put their needs before your own. 

no matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; 

no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces.

You Don't Know What You Have Til It's Gone.

you're not going to be able to find another girl who will cope with your crap. 

who is going to sit listening to your tapping away texting another girl while on the phone with them. 

or someone who is willing to put up with your teasing and ridicule. 

you will not find another girl who will wait for "a few minutes" that quickly turn into two hours, 

while you are on the phone until 2 in the morning with that other girl. 

& i hope you realize someday that i am the only one who will handle that. 

& when you see that, i hope i am finally moved on so you understand what you lost.

Dedicated To Hunter!(:

i know you miss him & i know you think you cant be without him.
i know he told you he loved you & i know he said he'd never leave.
i know although you knew you shouldn’t have believed that,
you did & i know you want him more than anything.
i know you spend extra time doing your makeup & hair perfect just in case he looks your way
& i know secretly, you want to bump into him anywhere you go.
i know you get that feeling when you walk past him & i know you just want him to look your way.
i know he called you his baby & his number one & i know he told you he loved you at the end of each of his texts. i know he told you you was his world & i know he made you happy.
i know you re-read the saved texts from him that you shoulda deleted ages ago
& i know you cant figure out whats making you still like him so much even after he's caused you so much pain.
i know you still get that tingle feeling if he so much as looks as though he's looking your way
& i know that the whole day you'll be analyzing what that look meant.
i know you know he used you & i know you always forgave him for all his faults no matter what.
 i know you smile bigger, talk louder & laugh more when you see him anywhere near
& i know thats because you just want him to notice you again.
i know you compare every guy to him & i know you'd do anything to prove your love for him.
i know you take out his mistakes out on everyone but him & i know you don't mean to.
i know you think you won't care for anyone as much as you care for him.
 i know you get that feeling every time you get a text,
just because of the slight chance it might be him.
 & i know anyone can see the hurt in your eye's when you find out it isn't.
i know he doesn't miss you & i know he doesn't look at you twice.
i know that if he does catch your eye it's because your staring at him & he's just looking around.
i know your text's to him were deleted a long time ago.
i know for a fact that he doesn't compare her to you.
 i know he doesn't have feelings for you anymore & i know he just doesn't care.
i know he doesn't love you anymore. he never did. trust me.

Girls.

the truth about girls; we act like we're cold so you'll hold us.

gossip isn't a sin, it's an art. the word "bitch" doesn't mean much

to us. when we say we're fine, we're usually not. most of us fall

in love way too easily. we're never too old for sleepovers. all of

us have a mean side, some of us just don't show it. we're

confusing, and you'll never have us completely figured out. most

of us like attention. we all like to hear we're beautiful. no matter

how many times we say we don't care, we usually do. we'll

mess with your head. if we say that nothing's wrong, something

usually is. & just when you think you have us figured out,

something will change and you'll be all wrong.

Proud Of Who I Am.

after all these months, all this time, so much has happened. the talks, the phone calls, the laughs, and the feelings. if i were to look back on them, i would never believe that that person was once me. i wouldn't recognize that girl because she's so different from me, but i guess changing and moving on is a part of growing up. i'm growing up and finding out what kind of person i want to be for the rest of my life. and maybe in the future, there are more changed to come, but as for right now, this is who i'm proud to be.

Alone.

do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. but at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. people have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. at least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'i don't know' for an answer. you feel the way you do just because. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

<|3

she shivered & looked away when she saw you. all the memories were racing back & she just couldn't deal with that pain all over again. she knew you were looking at her though, but she just couldn't look at you. you, with your beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair, amazing arms for hugging  those lips that gave the best kisses ever, he couldn't possibly look at you without breaking.

We Are Who We Are.

so, i guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. 

& maybe we'll never know most of them. 

but even if we don't have the power to 

choose where we come from, 

we can still choose where we go  from there.  

we can still do things. 

& we can try  to feel okay about them.

(:

i want to get to the point where

no matter what happens,
 no matter how long we go without being together,
no matter how many fights we get in;
where all we need is a kiss & suddenly we remember 

why we love each other so much.

Life.

what's worse than wanting something you can't have? it's not knowing what you want. wishing on all the stars in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something to believe in... someone to hold. having absolutely no control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish you were miles away from. being stuck somewhere between the past and the future, nowhere near where you should be - in the present. stuck in yesterdays and tomorrows, so far from home, far from everything you know and love. the uncertainty could just tear you to bits.

I just want to be loved. Or even cared for. I'm so sick of feeling unwanted and like I'm a fat ugly bitch.:'( People think I just call myself fat and ugly for attention, but that's really not why. I really do feel this way. And whenever people talk shit, I'm not a person to just shove it aside and forget about it. It gets to me, and one by one it just gets packed deeper and deeper. I'm so tired of living in a world of shit talking people who don't care about anything. I can't tell anyone about anything, and it's so hard putting on a fake smile every day and telling people how I'm alright when I'm really not. And after a while, everything gets so tightly packed in, I just want to cut it out and let everything I've kept inside out.:'( I'm so tired of this.:'(

Fallin' For You.

I don't know, but I think I may be falling for you, dropping so quickly.

Maybe I should keep this to myself waiting 'til I know you better.

I am trying not to tell you, but i want to.

I'm scared of what you'll say, so I'm hiding what I'm feeling.

But I'm tired of holding this inside my head.

I've been spending all my time just thinking bout you.

I don't know what to do.

I've been waiting all my life and now I found you,

I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for you.